First say to yourself what you would be.
And then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

I used to make rules in January. I will stop collecting books. I will get up at 5 each day and go to bed at 9. I will run three miles a day. I will not swear. I will keep track of everything I eat.
You might make these same types of rules. Or maybe you took the rules from a self-help book you’ve read. I’ve read plenty – not just in January but all year round – and have tried to implement many well-meaning rules.
And sometimes it would stick. For a month or a week. But soon the clothes would be back on the chair, the books would pile up, the run would become a walk, and the eating log would be blank.
These rules didn’t work for me.
They had nothing to do with me, in my lived life, and everything to do with what I thought I should be. They didn’t take into consideration who I was and who I would be.
The Stoics understood this. Epictetus, one of the ancient Stoics, advises us to understand and declare who we would be. Only then can we think about how we behave in the world.
When we start the work of thinking who we want to be, we are thinking about our values, not our possessions, not our accomplishments.
Epictetus himself was enslaved. His very name means “acquired.” He was in no position to gain wealth or social freedom or even great health. He lived with a poorly healed broken leg – perhaps even as a result of being beaten.
But he could control how he wanted to feel about himself, who he wanted to be. Someone who appreciated simplicity, who was a powerful speaker, who believed that we are responsible for our own actions, no matter the circumstances.
Epictetus understood his who. And his actions followed to support that.
When we understand who we are and when we determine the values we hold, we can create meaningful change in ourselves. We can live a life of greater meaning and purpose, in which our thoughts, actions, and values are aligned.